My knees hit the ground, and I wept once more. My hands pulled at the grass atop Declan’s grave. Dirt caked beneath my fingertips as I plunged my fingers into the earth and clawed away at it. I could not see what I looked like or what sounds left my parted lips, though I’d wager it frightened anyone who dared walk that night alone.
***
There are no more soft breaths from his side of the bed. No matter how far I stretched my hand upon the opposite side there was nothing. Just the cold empty sheets, and a hollow divot where he once lay. My pillow hadn’t dried from the tears before. I forced my husk of a body to sit, and I sobbed. I grieved for an unknown amount of time.
I pressed my hands together and prayed he was safe in heaven. I prayed that God had been more merciful to him than he had been to me. I prayed and prayed until there was nothing more I could say. And the room descended into silence once again.
The windows are kept covered. I cannot bear the sight of the graveyard beyond. Life continues out there, except for my beloved Declan. The only rest he knows now is below the crushing weight of dirt, where he will decay. And I am stuck here in an empty bed.
“Come to the window,” a voice whispered in my ear.
My hands shook. I pulled the quilted sheet away and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. As if some infernal being possessed me I dragged my feet to the curtains. The metal rings scratched and caused an abhorrent scraping sound. Moonlight poured in and shone down upon the grave of my dear late husband.
“It’s a wretched thing you’ve done to leave me here,” I said. A pang of guilt surged through me. I clutched at my chest. How barren, how vacant it had become without him. A shiver prickled my skin, and I moved my hand back to the glass. It was warm to the touch, and the hum of cicadas was just audible.
“Isabel,” the voice of my departed Declan said.
I turned back to the room as my name was whispered. There was a noise beyond the ringing in my ears. My heart raced. Taking a deep breath, I mustered what little courage I had and called out to the sound.
Again, there was a whisper.
“My love, Isabel.”
My trembling hands pulled out the cross I wore, gripping it so tight I was certain the delicate thing would snap. I muttered a prayer, hoping whatever vile demon was trying to trick me would leave.
“Come to me,” he repeated. “Let us be together again.”
There in my stomach, I felt the flutter of hope. Maybe my prayers had been answered. I could see Declan once more. His voice grew softer and further away. I moved through the empty house, forfeiting shoes or a coat. Even the front door to the house, I did not bother to shut.
The night was warm and damp. Humidity filled my lungs as I panted and struggled to run into the graveyard. The only time the ground was not slick with midnight dew, it was coarse and uneven from the raised roots of ancient oak trees. How I managed to make it to his grave without falling I cannot say.
But there it was. There he was, below my feet. I challenged my brain to recite a verse of the holy book that brought me comfort. The cicada sang their song as they waited but I could not recall. Not one line, not a single verse could fill the part of me taken in his passing. The only thing that filled my mind were questions. Why was he gone? How could God have been so cruel? There was no answer.
***
The sun crept its way into the window, blinding my eyes. I tucked my face away into the chest of my Declan. I ignored the acrid scent that permeated his body and instead focused on the earthen smell from which I had brought him back. I did weep once more but in joy.
Finally, we were reunited.
